She climbs the long winding stairs, her one time enthusiasm gone. She still remembers the warm sunny days when she would return from school, prancing on those stairs, eager to reach the air conditioned room. A room full of possibilities, full of love, a room where the winds changed their course, where tradition was broken, into the arms of her daddy, yes her wonderful daddy. Yet the fresh, sweet winds have been replaced by a stale odor. That euphoria of happiness almost forgotten as if.. as if it never existed. She pants for breath as she reaches the last step. For just one second a feeling of anguish overcomes her. She can't move. She knows as she crosses this step, she'll be crossing over to another side; from her secure childhood to a painful adulthood.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a voice

"Didi."

She hurries over the last step and opens the door. A tender smile comes over her face as she hurries to help the maid.

She whispers, "Come mummy, back into the bed.".

A blank white face stares back at her.

She whispers again, "Come mummy, back into bed.".

Stony eyes follow the direction of her finger.

"Back into bed." the fragile doll repeats.

And they shift the fragile unknowing doll back into bed.

And its done. She has finally crossed.

What i will always remember about China (and also miss)

• the making up our own chinese language. and babbling it in front of the chinese. Who just thought we were speaking "indian"
• the losing something every second
• the Sneaking into the boys room at 11 pm.. and staying there till 2
• the speaking in hindi to annoy the chings
  
• the 100% efficiency
• The 101 videos and picture sessions
• the pillow fights at 1 am
• the making maggi in electric kettles at 1 am
• teh penguin walk!!
• the morning scene of << mini:guys wats the time?... aanya and shubhi (still asleep): who cares... mini:its 7 05!!! ..aanya and shubhi: SHIT!! we have to be downstairs at 7 15>>
  
• the brushing together in overflowing basins
• the Playing confessions and videographing them!
• the falling asleep on each others shoulders
• the group bargaining
• the Rappie
• the tears at seeing burgers.. and disgust at chineese food
• the feeling after every pathetic conference day that we would be together soon
• the hugs and "woh aye nii's"
• the tears that we shared and the hope we hopefully brought
• the friendship that blossomed out of nowhere
• China itself and its wonderful people
  

I'm always going to remember this trip, not just for the experience but for the people.. I just want to thank you guys so much (read:Ankit, Hemantika, Aanya and Vipul) You guys were amazing. Thanks for putting up with me and my constant stupidity (losing things and what not) Thanks for being there (through the subway thing). I love you guys sooo much. Woh aye nii!!

Without you

“Without you, heaven would be too dull to bear,
and hell will not be hell if you are not there.”

Crossroads. That’s where we stand. Next year, we go our separate ways-into limelight, into toil, into happiness, into despair, into memories. I dedicate this entry to my friends. Being told about a myriad times that I live in a world of my own, there are not many but they know who they are because we were inmates in it together. Partners in the crime. Yes, we created and lived in our own Barbie dollhouse. Myself more than anyone else. I could never go out.
It had a room of contentment-popcorn and movies at a friend’s house. It had a room of anticipation-bitten nails, telepathy and India at the brink of a victory. It had a room of conference-textbooks, the phone and an exam the subsequent day. It had a room of requirement-a vent for all our feelings. It had a room of laughter-at this, that and the other and at ourselves. It had a room of guilt-at the inordinate immaturity we displayed.
It wasn’t an ideal house. The roof tended to leak when it rained heavily. But for all its imperfections, I love it. I had a great time living in it. I hope to be in one of the rooms for as long as I can.
signing off.