'NEW YEAR RESOLUTION'

At times, it becomes too much to handle. You know what you have is the best but you are not convinced to give in your best. You look around and find everybody doing well for themselves and their parents and what more- find yourself as if an aberration to the world. It pains and it hurts. But even if you try to, you end up doing worse for yourself or end up messing here and there.
You breakdown and you feel as if non-existent. You weep and you howl but don’t get any sympathy cause you don’t deserve it and if you do then it slows you up. You know you’re a failure. You have failed yourself and even more, your parents. You want to fade away and that too super-fast without anybody noticing.
You know your future isn’t secure and you are the culprit. You know your parents have given up every possible thing and worked very hard for you and you are snatching away every part of theirs by not performing. Even then you don’t get the drive as strong you should be getting to perform and confirm, confirm your success and their peace.
Those times, you are sure the world doesn’t deserve you and more importantly, your parents don’t deserve you in the sense of them deserving someone far more promising and performing than you.
But then when you look on the other side, you feel you are being too unfair with yourself and maybe the world needs to understand you, your parents need to understand you. After all, maybe, you are not the only one or how about you are definitely not the only one like this. Nobody’s perfect and you are just obeying that rule of nature. Well, that sounds quite convenient- doesn’t it?
These things happen all the time with me and I am quite sure they would be happening with most of you too. Sometimes I even loose the power to think anymore and I let it be.
Sometimes I abase myself into making sure I become low at self-esteem till someone (mostly my mother or father or even my friends) finally realizes my condition and brings my spirits back.
But then again I come back to the same track. This time I’ve given it or rather given in a lot of thinking and have again realized (I hope, truly, this time) that these are all signs of losers and obviously I don’t want to be one. So, lets see, this is one of the numerous New Year resolutions I have made and I’m adding it to my list of the other tiny-miny and rather insignificant resolutions.
I hope to stand by it this time. Wish me luck.
Till my next post (which should be tomorrow), it’s AKANKSHA signing off.
Ps: Indonesian earthquake: the death toll is ever on the rise.Over 24000 people have been reported to be dead across the affected regions. I’m worried.
Pps: just in case I forgot to mention, our section has won the cricket match final against ‘I’ section. Hurray!!! To add, India won today's match by 91 runs. And this gives me a reason (though I’m not too sure) to forget about yesterday’s loss against Bangladesh (of all the countries) in the second ODI.